Cause We are Enough at Any Age

Although this article talks about dating it is really about how we see ourselves as a person.  Single, Married, Any Age.  It is really about our self esteem.  With a bit of humour thrown in :)

What is enough?…what is it?  We are told age is just a number but everywhere you turn you are either “too young” or “too old” and then there is body type.  Maybe we are “too fat” (is there such thing as too skinny?)

 

No one knows that any better than someone in the dating world.  I listen to friends as they moan about the evils of dating (oh, yes…I have had my share of moaning and groaning too!).  Really, it could be renamed, “the evils of comparison”.  It is true that we may not feel the chemistry when we see a picture, but the reality is that online dating has created what I fondly refer to as “looking over ones shoulder for someone better that just might come along”.  And the reality is that they just might be one click away.

I love to hang out in coffee shops and one thing you can always observe in a coffee shop is a wealth of “first dates”.  I smile, I hope rather unobtrusively, when I recognize the scenario.  First of all, there is the person sitting nervously by themselves.  And suddenly the other person tentatively approaches the table asking if they are….?  Soon the conversation has turned to “what do you do”, “what do you like”, and then “children and family”.  It is actually really sweet…most of the time. 

But then you get the person who is looking over their shoulder.  I have caught them.  They excuse themselves and if I cross their path on the way to the bathroom, they are on their text.  If I casually look at their screen I see them scrolling through Tinder.  Hmmm…is there anyone within 2 km that just might respond…lol.

I shake my head and silently send my condolences to the person they left at the table.

But it does get me thinking.  When left to my own devices I meet a wide variety of people without the aid of a dating site.  The problem…we are both too scared to broach the subject of possibility of going on a date.  We skirt the issue while mildly flirting.  We avoid vulnerability at all costs because rejection upfront is scary.

Online meets offer us safety.  We write the categories we want checked, read the categories that you want and only put ourselves out there, if we are guaranteed at least a modicum of success.

But even online, and even when you think all the boxes are checked, disappointment reins.  Because suddenly you hear the ding of an incoming message and there is the message you have been waiting for.  The one that sets up the meeting.  But no, it is the rejection.  It is usually short.  “I am sorry but I don’t think we would be a match”.

Now tell me, how do you know?  The only thing it comes down to is you saw my picture and in your mind I just don’t measure up.  I want to ask you why?  Was I too fat…did I have the wrong colour hair?  I actually want to send a message back to you. I want to say…”you know you were not that hot….I am hot”
 (or at least am a decent person) and I was willing to give you a chance.  Because before I reject you outright, maybe since we checked each other’s boxes, it might have actually been fairer to discard the other person after we met in person.

So I am left with a couple of different scenarios.  The first is my “go to”.  I am not good enough.  I doubt my uniqueness, my good qualities, the benefits I could bring to a relationship.  But the second scenario is the one I really should embrace.  I am better off without someone like you.  Because no matter my age, my size, or the colour of my hair… I am me.  And me….is pretty special.