Anger...What do WE do with It?
What do you do with your anger when it seems like most
people you come in contact with you want to hit them with a ten foot pole (or a
least the wrath of a madwoman)?
I was so angry by the time I came home tonight. I couldn’t leave work fast enough. It was work, it was friends, it was people
that I believed should know better. Because
in my “perfect” world, you would all realize that unless it is “REALLY”
important, you need to let it go! (Queen Jamma’s rules).
For me, one of the most challenging concepts is that I
believe in the importance of love and the person. Above all, that is THE most important
thing. The fact that you are alive and can
have a chance at happiness is utmost in life.
So I am challenged to my core when you challenge that
belief. You dare bring up your
inconsequential problems when all I care about is my granddaughter’s limited/or
challenged life, and my daughter’s pain that is breaking my heart.
So I decided to turn to my friend “Google” and I typed in “how
to deal with anger”. The Canadian
Medical Association says this on their web page.
I have a speech written in my head for those I come across. I will be honest. When it comes down to my situation right now
I am pretty easy to judge that your situation is just not quite as bad as
mine. I want to demand that you take
yours in perspective and pretty well agree with me.
But life is not like that. There are a “tons” of us who have it
worse off than you…and ME! If you
honestly take the entire population of the planet
2015), I am not the only person dealing with this problem right now. There are people filling hospitals who receive the same news as our family. There are wars that are seeing the lives of so many people snuffed out. There are ….
2015), I am not the only person dealing with this problem right now. There are people filling hospitals who receive the same news as our family. There are wars that are seeing the lives of so many people snuffed out. There are ….
The reality is that this blog comes down to me. Me, Queen Jamma, who can’t change the
world. I can’t make it better. And I am
so, so angry that I can’t. I want so bad
to take away my daughter’s pain and I can’t.
My daughter Kaiti and her daughter Layla...my love's...in the hospital getting another round of shots.
I so want to paint my Layla’s toes, like I paint Rylee’s and hope to paint Adelyne’s and I am not sure I will have the chance.
I so want to paint my Layla’s toes, like I paint Rylee’s and hope to paint Adelyne’s and I am not sure I will have the chance.
I want so badly to tell you to take your stupid, inconsequential
problems or what you see as an issue and ….(well I am pretty sure you can
imagine)
But…
I know you are angry about something I can’t relate to, but you
are entitled to your anger. It is real for you right now and it is important.
My situation is not more important than yours.
I will try to understand …
My first step was writing this blog. And I encourage each of you out there that is
angry to write it down! Writing has literally saved my life!
The second step is that the only way you can feel heard is if you
can say how you feel in a peaceful, non-confrontational way. We all deserve to be heard. You and them.
And amidst all of this anger today I had joy. Today I had my very first flu shot for my
amazing granddaughter Layla.
The nurse giving me my first flu shot this was cool for Layla to have as a keepsake from her Jamma
She needs us all to be protected to keep her safe and if that means doing something that is different or that I have never done before,
I do it with open arms. Cause Layla, my gift of a granddaughter, shows
me every day, I can be a better person.
She needs us all to be protected to keep her safe and if that means doing something that is different or that I have never done before,
And I had a snoopy cartoon character sent from my daughter
in law
that said...I support you.
Sometimes that is all that we need.
In love ….Jamma
In my experience, cultivating compassion (for myself and for those around me) has been crucial to keeping anger from overwhelming me. I will not say I understand what you are going through, or that things will get better -- because who am I to assert such things? I will say that I appreciated this glimpse into your soul, and I wish all the best to you and your daughter/family.
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DeleteThank you Rica for those words. There is a beautiful post written by John Pavlovits which was reposted by a wonderful woman who shared her journey with her daughter with a similar condition to my granddaughters. It spoke to my soul and reminded me on how I can help others through their grief. Sometimes just sharing their tears (I am editorializing) ...just letting them speak and share the journey). Thank you for your words, They mean a lot. Here is the link to his words http://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/08/20/of-tears-and-terrible-sounds-when-life-is-too-painful-for-words/
ReplyDeleteYears ago, I thought anger was the worst thing and I should cut it off. But then an early meditation teacher told me to pay close attention to my anger because it was a teacher and would tell me what is important and what I value. That has been true. And often my helplessness and tears are right underneath that anger or sometimes I need to take action and make a big change. I don't blast people with my anger, but I work with it--and I write it. As I wrote my book, I could go back to journals written when my husband was suffering with cancer and cancer treatment, when I was exhausted or the doctors screwed up. I had spilled all that anger on the journal pages and there it was looking back at me. I couldn't write a sweet book about what a perfectly loving caretaker I'd been, although I had been. No, I was pissed sometimes and felt unable to go on. Anger told me I needed a break or to take better care of myself. Anger and helplessness taught me just what you're saying here. Sometimes there is nothing we can do but hang on to a love that's deeper than the anger. Thanks for your courage. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your daughter and granddaughter suffer.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to write the words. What you have said is so true. It does teach me what is important, what I value, and what I love. And also when it is time to take a step back. But hearing someone else say those back to you is also a releasing moment. so thank you. I will look forward to reading more of what you write....jan
DeleteSometimes I find I convert my pain to anger as it's easier (for me) to deal with. Anger can act like a temporary pain killer to give my heart a rest from pain. Anger gives me energy while pain makes me lethargic. I am so very sorry for your pain.
ReplyDeleteThanks again Tamuria. I hadn't really thought of that much lately but I think you are right. And at times both are necessary. And I appreciate your feeling with my sorrow.
Deletejan
Thanks Lizzi. And me to! On the toenails! But yesterday I got to sing nursery rhymes on skype to her and she smiled :). That was good enough for yesterday!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Rica. Take that freaked-out and scared part of yourself on your lap and give her a hug. It's crazy-making when something is so serious and you have zero control over how it goes. Your situation is hard--and maddening. I'm glad you aren't denying it. I have to remind myself to turn toward the inner response I'm running from (anger or irritation or whatever it is) and embrace the inner anger with love. I sing old 60s songs of love to myself. I take a walk with a friend who understands. May all be well--and soon.
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