“I am strong, beautiful, fearless and wise”. Oh, I how I wished I believed in that
quote. Now I do not want to diminish the
words because the reality is that I believe in them. Moreover, some days they are truer than
others. However, other days I look in
the mirror and see my imperfections and wisdom is the last word that I would
use to describe me.
Tonight I was out with a friend and she was amazing for my
self-esteem. She told the server how wonderful
I was. I was helping her out. However, the only reason I could help her is
that I have been down that road before.
The reality is that when we can help each other it is because “we have
been there and done that!”
Then I look back. I
remember the road that it took to get to this point. Frankly, it probably had a few moments where
I kicked a pillow sideways across my living room and I can guarantee there were
tears. But those moments have made me
who I am.
Life is full of kicking pillow moments.
My favourite is in my 3 inch heals I wore as
I kicked the stupid leaves on my street and muttered so loud the people could
have heard me if they dared to open their doors. I was mad.
Life was not going my way. I did
not know how to fix it. I thought that life really would never get any better.
That was the past. It
did get better. And to be honest there
were a few days in there that it was worse.
We are a reflection of the good and the bad and the ugly. I think what my life would be if it were only
good. Would I own one of those beautiful
Victorian houses with a porch slider?
Would I spend my nights in my perfect living room, cascading light for
reading and a roaring gas fireplace.
Or is it meant to be me.
Today. My past rolled up with
smiles, heartache and laughter. A woman
who thinks no one is watching when she moves to the music as she walks down the
street; or she doesn’t care. The woman who has decided the bus is a “cool” and “cheap”
mode of transportation and that standing in line means often meeting very
interesting people.
I suppose there are some of us that want a plan. For me the plan is knowing I don't know
tomorrow but have the possibility of anything.
I will probably never own that “perfect house”. The bus will be my transportation. I have an education in place of both of
those. I have experience because
traveling to a new country is worth the money I might take to my deathbed. I am beyond marrying the man of my dreams and
celebrating our 50th anniversary or even our 25th. I joke about a decade per man…lol.
None the less…at the end of the day, I am lying on my
couch. I spent my weekend with my
amazing friends, children and grandchildren.
None of us wears special crowns or holds special powers. I even have a granddaughter who faces life with
special challenges and who at the end of the day reminds me how lucky I am to
be part of her life.
Life is not a storybook or fairy tale. It is just life. The ins and outs…the imperfections are what
make me wake up in the morning with a smile.
Not because it is perfect, but because I do not know what is around the
corner. And that makes me happy!
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